Another, possibly and probably, pointless post.

Its too hard to divide the things I want to say about what has gone on with me into subsections. I'm over it (:
So here is a huge blurb. Read it if you feel so inclined.
My life has been so complicated and has really tested me within the last six months or so. I just got out of a tumultuous relationship that sort of kept me in my own little world. Now, as I'm emerging from my very own safe little cave, I'm a bit blinded by the sun. When you're in a relationship, things are okay. Period. I strongly reccomend them for those who have NOTHING ELSE TO FOCUS ON. See, this is my problem. I put everything I have into these guys that either a.) like me, but you know, not enough for me to "give them butterflies". (I'm sorry but WHAT THE HELL. Word to the wise boys: Never ever tell a girl that. It makes you look like a total baby. Just tell her you don't like her. Its easier.) or b.) have their minds on one thing. I know it sounds totally cliche, but it is SO true. Guys will pitch any old story to get in your pants. Sometimes, it can be entertaining. Other times, not so much. Anyway, like I said this is one huge blurb, i have decided to kind of push guys out of the picture for a while. I am truly over all of the BS and the pain. It isn't fair to the future me if I put my grades, my family and my friends on the back burner for some guy. And even though I try not to stress about boys, I know I still will. But the truth of the matter is, no one in high school knows what the want. NO ONE. Don't even try to tell me you do. Don't tell me you found your soul mate. Don't get engaged at age 18. Don't lose your pride. Just don't. I can guarantee that you, whoever you are, are better than that. Yes, i am a cynic. Sue me.

I have found it to be soo true, when it comes to my family at least, that it simply is not fair for me to put things that are important in my life to the side. My mom, sister, stepdad and dad know me so well. They have known something has been up. The truth is, my confidence was completely obliterated by a guy. To quote Taylor Swift "[she] gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind." It really is true. Ladies, please please please don't do this. Especially those of you who know that you need your independence. Don't give it up and risk everything for a relationship that is more than likely going to end in heartbreak and emotionak turmoil. I mean really, why bother.

People tell me all the time, "Sam, you don't even seem to get mad. You seem to get even before you have the chance." I can't decide if getting even is the right thing to do. Of course I've dreamt about forking or fruit-looping the douchebag's lawn. Maybe a few hundred rolls of TP would teach him. But the truth is, my revenge is a whole lot nastier. Don't let me inside of your head. I'm smarter than I act (:
To quote Ms. Taylor Swift again: "There's no time for tears. I'm just sitting here planning my revenge. There's nothing stopping me from going out with all of your best friends. So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy, that's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay." (:


She does have quite the way with words.

I just need some time to figure life out. With out distractions and without any additional pain.

PLUS, the stupid asshole ditched me for prom. So now I have the shoes, the dress, the hair and makeup appointments made and NO FRIGGIN' DATE!

Blahhhh. Reassure me that I'm better off, God. I know I am, I know I am.


----Sam